Manipulated Media

Ezili Danto

In the reality of night

your strength will set me right.

Fierce and independent mother,

protective eyes set tight for a practical lover.

Maternal spirit and friend,

Tough love!

Bringing self reliance

true means to an end.

Humble but full of fire for all,

whose hard work will show the call.

No matter how harsh or unjust

the knife will never rust.

Independent I sing,

Independence she brings.

Coming out of a relationship, especially an ugly one, and having my whole spiritual out look on life turned practically upside down, has really left me in a roller coaster state of emotions. However, every time I come down its not quite as far and every time I go up, I go higher. Although I know this will never fully end I do feel it is starting to level out. Thank goodness, its quite exhausting to exist in that place. For the first time in my life I've dedicated my self to true independence and self reliance. Unfortunately for me this is something that doesn't come very naturally, especially right after a long relationship/breakup. No matter how much I fall into that depressed, I need someone state, I fight that much harder for strength and discipline. Knowing thyself for me takes a lot of just being dedicated to it. A disciplined spiritual practice, meditating and to quote something I read, "Inflaming yourself in prayer" Spending time with the spirits has made it easier for me to not need humans so much. I am not saying that everyone should leave the real world and just hang out with the spirits all day, people are just as good a self reflection tool, but at least for me this part of my journey is telling me to find that security in myself and the time I spend alone, (or not so alone.) My dedication to my spirit friends flows over, into my dedication to myself, which then flows over into getting what I want, And what the universe wants for me. Strength, self reliance, confidence, sincerity and the ability to follow my true will.

Lunatic Within

I have conceived inside the womb

All inspiration, initiation, 9 months full Gestation

Complete

Prepared to birth the imagination of true will received

 Innovation flows 

down the canal into the night of the mind

settled in the thoughts of mine

Mother now to only the divine

I nurture a vision a plot to slow time

Now clearly I see

my fetus, my path

this part of me, full of spirit new life

wisdom, sharp knife

I was penetrated by the universe

Impregnated with a journey

Giving birth to new creation

So it will be!

Masturbation Meditation

Who knew masturbation was so truly magical !!

Perennial Chasm

In between Im not so sure anymore
my perception is on the ever increasing downfall
the eyes are closing
heavy the lids fall
blind to all that is unseen
once comprehended thoughts live on desolate shores
washed away by each tide
Balance, where the light says immature being, WAKE UP!
and take notice as I enter your void
the abyss never ending
unknown
However, I am not in fear yet
I will hold on, I can see it just there on the horizon
bright sun burst easing my soul...


I choose to learn my lessons the hardest ways... kind of shitty ... it hurts, and just plain sucks. Thank goodness I know that it never lasts and again its only one step closer. Hurtles have an impact.

Canvas on the raw

Ahh the door to my mind,

Ahh the door to find.

Understanding my time, and breaking through!

Comprehending my will

Crossroads passed treasures often still

Vision in rhyme honor you we're bringing home the new.

Portals round the bend

Open holes in transit end

Time is on the mend now I see its true

With this I start a fire

Open gates to my desire

To reach a ground much higher

This is my call to you!

Drunken Babble (the most important kind of babble)

Magick Means to me....


Realizing that i'm here!
Who i am must be perfect or I wouldn't be here!


Working with and learning from everything that exists to over come the self doubt bull shit and insecurities to becoming that which you are!


Choosing to recognize the synchronicities that occur, as more then just circumstance. Everything is beautiful! Dedication to self.


This is just my opinion but, your a fool to think that all that exists is what we sense with our so called 5 senses!


Also,
If we were meant to be one, we wouldn't all exist in this realm as individuals, and who knows how long we will exist for as individuals... Im living in the moment, where are you?

Romance

One of the most romantic nights of my life!

So here is the new deal... its not a fuckin secret anymore!

Offerings

This is something I wrote recently in response to a lesson i had to learn. An easy lesson but i seem to continue to need to learn it. Its not about the out come its about the journey.

The near is as seductive as the far

You live for now stuck in the tar,

That binds your moves made from the falls,

Although you try your much to small,

You build the bruise

That left its stain

Upon your skin

That stands in vain

Like ashes from a burnt necessity

You'd give your life

For a chance you'd better be

Living in thought for second not first

I give my life, Give me my hurst

I've died to me, but for the truth

I fell in love, I need no proof

If big bangs true We lit the spark

That gave new life and lit the dark

For what I have is not my own

It's all within, my brain my bone

My life today, tomorrow, for years

Through pain and death and sorrow and tears

For in my weakness i am strong

theres fire in my torch, and I pass it along

No one can say what my future will hold

Who ill love, where we'll live

If Ill even get old

But ill let it go and give it to thee

For i am alive and the magicks in me.

The ever constant thoughts of, Who am I?

For as long as i can remember I have been on the hunt for truth. The desire to discover, who i am, what I am, where I am and why I am here. This saturated every thought that appeared at the forefront of my mind. Constantly cataloging events and information to hopefully one day make sense of this aquarium that I had made a splash in. I never doubted that my purpose was profound. I know my constant questioning annoyed most, and my daily epiphany's, which I preached to anyone who would listen, meant little to anyone but myself. Growing up in a strict Christian household seemed to give immediate relief to some very important questions, but it wasn't enough and my preschool and Sunday school teachers can tell you I was not content with the simple answers I was always given. I repeatedly had to stand up and tell them exactly what i thought. My inability to listen to authority and my constant wondering mind and eyes, which would drift to the window where I could see the beautiful world and float away, made it very easy on my parents when they were given the suggestion to put me on medication for ADHD. To them this was the answer to all there problems, the easy solution they wish they has had as children. From that moment on I was "one of them." I don't care to go into detail about that part of my life, but high doses of speed for 9 years of adolescence definitely left it's mark. I didn't create this blog to bitch and moan about my childhood problems, how bad my parents fucked me up, and all the years of therapy I went through, quite the contrary. I figured it was important to give the reader a little history but it's history. The point to this blog is the presence. I've realized recently that amidst the years of pharmaceutical prison I've been on a direct path to this point in my life. My mind never stopped fighting for truth, or maybe truth never stopped fighting for me. All I know right now is I'm truly blessed. Blessed with an incredible mind and beautiful outlook on life. The one thing that had maintained constant in my life is my ability to always see the positive. This is truly my power. I know that what ever the situation, this is where I am and the light at the end will always be brighter then when it started. The rainbow is a symbol I hold close. My ability to see synergy, to acknowledge where life is falling perfectly in to place, will carry me forever.
Recently I went through some extremely challenging times, but it was absolutely necessary to find intense healing, and to overcome incredible self doubt that had been manifesting in my life since I was a small child. The worst part of being put in therapy and on medication is the message you are sent, "there is something wrong with you and we need to fix it." Well it turns out, nothing was broken. I know that now. I see so clearly how everything has led me to this moment. All the self doubt that led me to believe I wasn't good enough made me lazy, unmotivated, and insincere. I'm changing all of that. The most important things I've learned over the past year is, know thyself!, and if you are for love then love thyself. Confidence, pure intentions, creativity and positivity make me god in the ever changing reality of my self. Fear is the mind killer and I shouldn't fear diving into all depths of my consciousness. Through art, self expression and magick, I can create a beautiful reality for my self that's sexy, adventurous, raw, and incredibly interesting.

This blog is my portfolio, my way of finally saying here I am world! A way to push myself, connect with those who can relate as well as challenged by those who do not.
I am currently working on a creative endeavor, it's quite an extensive undertaking and could potentially take a life time. But that's truly the point isn't it? Eventually it will turn into a piece of performance art/magick. It will incorporate, music, art, words, dance and expression. I will be working through the stages of consciousness displayed through the trump cards of the tarot deck, expressed creatively through my own experiences into ascension. It will incorporate, my own words, music, movement, and one physical piece of art to represent each of the 22 trump in sequence to my own experiences. I plan to use this blog as my portfolio as the parts fall into place piece by piece. This is happening sporadically so you will have to keep up with me. This will also be a place for daily thoughts and journeys into the unknown through words and symbols.

In short this is a blog of art, love, positivity, self reflection and magick. I invite anyone who resonates on this level to join with me as I explore the depths of myself and the universe around me.