For as long as i can remember I have been on the hunt for truth. The desire to discover, who i am, what I am, where I am and why I am here. This saturated every thought that appeared at the forefront of my mind. Constantly cataloging events and information to hopefully one day make sense of this aquarium that I had made a splash in. I never doubted that my purpose was profound. I know my constant questioning annoyed most, and my daily epiphany's, which I preached to anyone who would listen, meant little to anyone but myself. Growing up in a strict Christian household seemed to give immediate relief to some very important questions, but it wasn't enough and my preschool and Sunday school teachers can tell you I was not content with the simple answers I was always given. I repeatedly had to stand up and tell them exactly what i thought. My inability to listen to authority and my constant wondering mind and eyes, which would drift to the window where I could see the beautiful world and float away, made it very easy on my parents when they were given the suggestion to put me on medication for ADHD. To them this was the answer to all there problems, the easy solution they wish they has had as children. From that moment on I was "one of them." I don't care to go into detail about that part of my life, but high doses of speed for 9 years of adolescence definitely left it's mark. I didn't create this blog to bitch and moan about my childhood problems, how bad my parents fucked me up, and all the years of therapy I went through, quite the contrary. I figured it was important to give the reader a little history but it's history. The point to this blog is the presence. I've realized recently that amidst the years of pharmaceutical prison I've been on a direct path to this point in my life. My mind never stopped fighting for truth, or maybe truth never stopped fighting for me. All I know right now is I'm truly blessed. Blessed with an incredible mind and beautiful outlook on life. The one thing that had maintained constant in my life is my ability to always see the positive. This is truly my power. I know that what ever the situation, this is where I am and the light at the end will always be brighter then when it started. The rainbow is a symbol I hold close. My ability to see synergy, to acknowledge where life is falling perfectly in to place, will carry me forever.
Recently I went through some extremely challenging times, but it was absolutely necessary to find intense healing, and to overcome incredible self doubt that had been manifesting in my life since I was a small child. The worst part of being put in therapy and on medication is the message you are sent, "there is something wrong with you and we need to fix it." Well it turns out, nothing was broken. I know that now. I see so clearly how everything has led me to this moment. All the self doubt that led me to believe I wasn't good enough made me lazy, unmotivated, and insincere. I'm changing all of that. The most important things I've learned over the past year is, know thyself!, and if you are for love then love thyself. Confidence, pure intentions, creativity and positivity make me god in the ever changing reality of my self. Fear is the mind killer and I shouldn't fear diving into all depths of my consciousness. Through art, self expression and magick, I can create a beautiful reality for my self that's sexy, adventurous, raw, and incredibly interesting.
This blog is my portfolio, my way of finally saying here I am world! A way to push myself, connect with those who can relate as well as challenged by those who do not.
I am currently working on a creative endeavor, it's quite an extensive undertaking and could potentially take a life time. But that's truly the point isn't it? Eventually it will turn into a piece of performance art/magick. It will incorporate, music, art, words, dance and expression. I will be working through the stages of consciousness displayed through the trump cards of the tarot deck, expressed creatively through my own experiences into ascension. It will incorporate, my own words, music, movement, and one physical piece of art to represent each of the 22 trump in sequence to my own experiences. I plan to use this blog as my portfolio as the parts fall into place piece by piece. This is happening sporadically so you will have to keep up with me. This will also be a place for daily thoughts and journeys into the unknown through words and symbols.
In short this is a blog of art, love, positivity, self reflection and magick. I invite anyone who resonates on this level to join with me as I explore the depths of myself and the universe around me.
Wonderful.
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